The Bare Naked Chicken

As a newly minted, millennial parent to a 15-week-old baby boy, I have learned some surprising facts about newborns in general. Besides one of the most interesting tidbits–babies have adult farts!–I’ve learned that babies need to be taught to sleep. I’m still shocked. Like most people, I’d heard the phrase “to sleep like a baby” and had images of a chunky, swaddled infant cozily sleeping alone in a bassinet. Nope. That is an unrealistic dream. Reality sets in once that baby comes home from the hospital. Babies often fight sleep. It can be unpredictable. It can be a challenge. It can be frustrating.

For the past 15 weeks, I have perused and scoured the internet for articles, tips, advice columns, personal anecdotes, and hope for infant sleep. In my googling journey, I’ve learned that I am one of the lucky ones. My baby boy, after a short NICU stay, came home relatively sleepy. He had a low birthweight and so the challenge was actually getting him to stay awake in those first few weeks–he often wanted to sleep through feedings. I would try all of the tricks I’d read about online–tickling his feet, giving him a light shake, changing his diaper, undressing him, etc. Eventually my days consisted of unsteady baby sleep, feedings, and diaper changes. He would wake every two or three hours at night, demanding a feeding. This is not out of the ordinary. I was one of the lucky ones. My baby did not have colic, another challenge in its own right.

Friends had told me of the first three months of having a baby, a time dubbed “the fourth trimester.” I was mentally prepared for an inconsolable, clingy baby that would rob me of my sleep. I willingly accepted this as an unchangeable reality. However, after that 12 week mark, I had read that babies become significantly easier. I could finally have my sleep back! A full night’s, restful slumber! I spent those first twelve weeks looking forward to that 3 month mark. In my mind, once my baby hit 12 weeks, sleep would gradually improve…along with my sense of well-being.

Now at 15 weeks, I’ve learned of something called “the four month sleep regression.” Sleep does not necessarily consistently improve throughout the first year of having a baby. There can often be periods of setbacks, of babies reverting back to hourly wakings through the night, to inconsolable crying. Even worse, this is a period where some babies learn to form sleep associations, a problem when babies only fall asleep when certain conditions are met such as rocking, feeding, or sucking a pacifier. Because newborns are transitioning from a more sleepy state to having more adult sleep cycles, they will wake themselves at night and struggle to fall back asleep.

One of the most surprising facts I discovered about baby sleep since I became a parent is that you have to practically train your baby to sleep. Every baby is different. Some take sleeping on their own well with little assistance while others require nearly constant sleep interventions. My own baby seems to be chaotically in between. I keep asking myself: Has he hit the infamous sleep regression? Is this the night where he’ll wake up every hour, screaming and inconsolable? He sleeps through the night with one to three awakenings. It’s never consistent. What does seem to be constant is the struggle to fall asleep the first time in the night, often taking two hours to completely transition from awake to fully asleep.

This idea leads me to the illusive perfect sleep routine–bath, book, bottle, bed. The four B’s. First we do a warm, relaxing bath infused with lavender baby shampoo (to promote sleep, of course!). My baby smiles and appears to enjoy the bath so much that I wonder if its not relaxing but stimulating–I certainly hope not but at this point I can’t tell. We then attempt to read a book–sometimes he cries so I cut it short. I then try to stuff him with as much milk as I can, hoping that he won’t wake soon after. And then the attempt at laying him down to sleep. I’ve read that you’re supposed to lay them down “sleepy but awake,” whatever that fully means. It’s nearly impossible to hit that sweet spot. My baby then proceeds to fuss for a while–sometimes up to two hours–before finally conking out.

So that is where I am personally at with my baby and I’s sleep journey. A two hour battle to fall asleep with an unreliable bedtime routine. I hope it gets better.